To Criticize...with Love

“I never thought I’d ever be a fangirl”.
Sure, no big revelation. You’ve heard this confession over and over again from the sis on the boards.
Me neither. In fact, accept my sincerest apologies, but I used to be amused by all the world’s fan-atics. Before BYJ, I think I even poked fun at them on many occasions. So, as wonderful as it was to have lived this experience, I , being very very pragmatic, still have scattered moments of uncertainty and confusion that still resurface from time to time. To invest this amount of time and energy on a celebrity, to fly half way across the world for a chance at a glimpse at him, to emotionally ride the highs with his career peaks and to commiserate when his career suffers any setbacks, to give up my wardrobe money (ay!) in exchange for some “BOF” official goods, …is this normal? Am I normal? More precisely: When does loyal admiration cross over to an irrational blind idolization?

Today, unknowingly, I stumbled into the wrong BYJ thread on the net today. It was immediately unfamiliar and strange. Pages and pages of BYJ bashing –mostly men but not too few women too, talking trash about him, poking fun aimlessly, calling for an end to his fame, etc. Nobody hammer me, but no, I didn’t click out immediately. I was curious. I actually wanted to know what others thought “on the other side.” Maybe, I thought, this would give me a healthy does of reality and perspective. In order to help support someone fully, awareness about his enemies and perceived flaws can be as important as knowing about his strengths. Easily discredited and skimmed over were the ones filled with foul language and/or random pointless derogation. Still, a few people, perhaps more gifted in their ways of expression, voiced their opinions so reasonably, rationally, logically that I stopped to listen and consider. I pondered over these a bit, and in minor instances, I (*ducking again*) felt I could understand. Now, now - I didn’t say I agreed. Like I’ve always said, when I understand the logic of the reasoning, I can accept any differences in opinion. But it was weird - just having that sentiment sent pangs of guilt up and down my body.

So, this is my question – Is there room for criticism in this sphere of BYJ family? Our own individual allowances for criticism of BYJ and company - what does that tell about the health of our relationship to this celebrity and his “family”? When is it love and admiration and support? And when is it blind-folded obsession?

No guys. I am not trying to sound pseudo-intellectual or even philosophical. I am genuinely puzzled.

Take, for instance, a very minor but agitated topic of conversation in this part of the world this week. One sis happened to be in a complaining mood and made general not-so-positive comments about BYJ recent appearance, references to his aging and prophesized fan-dropout due to this, etc. So, what? Big deal. She’s entitled to speak her mind. At least that was what I thought. Until one after another offended sis started creeping out of the woodwork. Privately, she is taking a “beating.” For what, I still don’t know.
This isn’t the simple question of constructive vs. destructive criticism. And there was no issue of derogatory or impolite language or lack of finesse in her communication. I found out that there are many sisters out there that just would not tolerate any hint of a negative comment about BYJ. But is that what being a “good” family member is all about?

BYJ is after all, human. No matter how few or invisible, he has shortcomings like everyone else. And yes, he has bad-hair days, just not as many as I do. He knows it, I know it, and you know it.
Is criticism not but just voicing another opinion? And just because there is another opinion, it does not mean you have to necessarily agree or take it to heart. Acceptance of criticism is an essential part of self-development and crucial to self-improvement. Refusing to acknowledge the existence of flaws is to dangerously put him on a pedestal, and is part of the process that continues to add more burden and pressure to his ever more fatigued shoulders.

Situations like that of this sis make me uneasy. I really don’t want to have to watch and edit every word in my mind to as to not to be ostracized by the family and be sent off to the Siberia equivalent of BYJ-land.

I believe there is room in our hearts for healthy discussion and acceptances of all different opinions. Let’s lower the defenses and let’s everyone be a little more tolerant of the expression of these differences. Even when you do not agree.

"Love is an oxymoron. To truly love someone I have to do two contradictory things: I have to respect him and I have to care for him. If I do not accept him as he is, that means that I do not respect him. It means that I don't really love him -- I love only what I wish to make of him. But to love someone also means that I care for him and desire the best for him. And since very, very few people are the best that they can be, caring for someone means not accepting him as he is, but believing in his potential to be better and doing everything I can to reveal that potential." – yanki tauber

Hey, by the way, in case you haven’t noticed, he is pretty darned great even when he is not completely perfect.
Look how great he looks here, even if he is standing way to close to another pretty girl, doing the unthinkable and being married off…
Or , …looky here - see what we get a view of when his clothes are not completely neat and tidy? (pardon the fuzzy capture)
So, can someone please tell me? Is love blind? Or does love have eyes?