Wounds of Love

It is in everybody's interest to seek those [actions] that lead to happiness and avoid those which lead to suffering. And because our interests are inextricably linked, we are compelled to accept ethics as the indispensable interface between my desire to be happy and yours.

Dali Lama

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Was going to give the issue a miss at first. The facts are just a bit blurry, the various reactions a bit charged, the emotions just a bit too deep and complex. But sorry, I couldn't help myself because I've heard from a few ladies that are in too much pain from worry for me to ignore.

As someone who's been accused of pressured speech one time too many, and for someone whose main flaw in life had been reflex reactionism, I have since learned one of the greatest lesson in life from our dear YJssi. By the example he sets, he has taught me to learn to take a moment to stop, listen, and think thoroughly and prudently before delivering any rash responses.

And that's not all. Through his daily quest, I've learned a thing or two about courage. About facing challenges with grace. About pursuing a goal to its fullest end. And the list goes on and on...

Although I can't say that I am not concerned about his health and injury, it is also apparent that his decison is rooted in all those characteristics that I most admire about him. I thought to myself: "It certainly would not be ok to appreciate those qualities of him during the good days and chastise him for staying true to those same qualities during the not-so-good days, would it?"

Some might argue that this current situation is different. They may even say that principles, no matter how noble, should never prevail over matters related to something as precious as his health. However, what do we really know about the status of his injury is? Our sources - What were they again? The newspapers? From the various ones I've seen, I have seen quite a few errors and inconsistencies already in reporting the finer details of the injury. Was he "suggested" to consider surgery? Or was he "ordered" to have surgery? I've seen both versions in the papers, but there's a huge difference between those 2 versions. In fact, there were a few lines that indicated a condition that was a medical impossibility. So, we'll never know, because we don't.

Unfortunately, I am someone who has had to cross paths with illnesses often and one thing I know is that medical decisions are not a one way street. Think back to when you were last sick or when you've accompanied someone to surgery before. Unless you are faced with no other choice in a life or death emergency, the doctor almost always gives you choices. There are usually many acceptable ways to treat a condition, and some may offer a quick fix, but carry more risks (surgery) and some may be a slower fix (medicine, supports, injections, etc), but safer. And he apparently has chosen the latter. That is his own personal decision between him and the doctor - how do we know that it is not a feasible option? Why are some jumping to conclusions that waiting may harm him?

You know, I hate to see anyone in pain. And when that "one" is our beloved YJ, it breaks my heart a hundred times if not more. I think that each of us would want to shoulder the pain for him if we could. Wipe it all away if we could.

But an objective bystander, a good specialist doctor friend of mine, reminded me, "The degree of pain, especially in these types of conditions, is not necessarily related to degree of seriousness of the condition. Not that I am not empathetic, but injuries in my field come hand in hand with pain."

I will digress a bit...by the way, the following is a bit of speculation because we don't know his true health condition, so take it with a grain of salt. I am putting it here because hearing my friend's explanation helped me a lot, so I will dare to put it here with the hopes that others may find similar comfort in his opinion. Anyway, the spine specialist doc told me that from his read and best medical guess of the reported conditions associated with BYJ and based on the mechansim by which he was injured and further by my description of what our YJssi's current activity level is, he was able to come up with the most likely possible diagnosis for our man. Often, when we see someone in pain, there is often a drastic push to get something immediately done. But slam-bam-surgery now is not always the immediate right answer for everyone, from a medical and even social perspective.

In many spinal injury conditions, he said that there is a place for conservative and non-surgical management in these cases. That with his own patients, he almost always routinely offers a watch and wait period with painkillers prior to considering surgery as long as the patient has full control of all his nerves and sensations. There is a difference between nerve irritation - OUCH! nerve being pressed on - which, you betcha, causes considerable pain - and true nerve damage, where you are losing the nerve function, such as when the patient loses sensation or control of those areas covered by those nerves. It does look like that despite the terrible pain, our HRH has an intact ability to use his arm, so he must not have the latter more serious condition.

In that case, my doc friend said it was not wrong to wait a bit, and he said that in US, at least, some very reputable medical centers such as the Mayo Clinic, the trend is in fact to move away from immediate operation and offer more conservative treatments. Did you know that there are many cases, he says, where the pain will resolve with time and non-surgical therapy, even though it may take 6-8 months? It is just that most people, unless the pain is mild, would not want to wait that long.

Amongst other reasons, doc did say that if the pain got unbearable at any time, or if true nerve damage is found or imminent, (which again he does not appear to have), then immediate surgery should be considered. It is just that the endpoint of "when the pain is too much" is very different for people given individual tolerance, but it's up to the person to say how much pain he or she can deal with before calling it quits. Our BYJ has decided to hang on in the meantime, and I trust him to know his own limits.

I pressed and asked "what if surgery is going to be needed eventually, would delaying surgery would alter the ultimate outcome?" Again, we don't have all the facts, but he said that it would matter only if the type of injury is progressing rapidly or if the wait were some enormous amount of time, like many months. That BYJ is walking around freely with no need for neck supports and hence a stable injury - doc was fairly certain that 10 days would make no difference. If he had the type of surgery that the doctors thought he would suffer future permanent nerve consequences, he would not be out carrying on like this.

Doc also cautioned that most people should take some time to consider the surgical consequences because whether you get operated or not, there are no guarantees either way of complete relief. (Think about it, we're talking about the spine....!! It is kind of a big deal if not scary to most people) He is only human, and yes, maybe he will feal some fear too. Most humans in their right mind would go and consult family or people close to them. Take time to think over the risks of surgery a bit. Even see other doctors and get other opinions to make sure since it is not a minor surgery. And doc wouldn't want it any other way. He routinely sends his non-emergency patients away to return in 2 weeks to redicuss the proposed surgery. The most common surgical procedure, let's say, for a herniated cervical disc, is often quoted to carry a 3 month recovery disk where the patient will be obligated to be stuck to a neck brace most of the time. Whatever surgery he is supposed to have, I'm sure the recovery is going to be very similar. So, we're talking 3 months at least....when we consider this and with some people asking for suspension of filming, we've also got to ask ourselves - have they really thought the issue out through and through?

So, anyway, doc said ," Don't worry about taking 10 days." Besides, sometimes, it is good to wait a bit until the other associated pains such as the muscle strains, bruising, and swelling comes down to get a good idea of the real degree of symptoms, since the other things - strains, bruise, swelling -cause a lot of the pain and these will subside with time.

What about bedrest, doc? He said that of course you have to be prudent to avoid another injury on top of the current one (which we know our YJ and TWSSG teams have already taken measures to do), it was not necessary, per se, to be completed rested. He said that while it was of course logical not to increase your pain burden but repetitively doing things to exacerbate the pain (as you would not rub salt onto a wound), but that many of the structures around the spinal column such as the discs, etc. require movement for blood to circulate and deliver nutrition, oxygen and what not to them. Also, he states some advised regular movement is important, to prevent creation of stiffness. So, while it is advisable to stabilize the area, it is not necessary for him to completely immobilize, as long as he is being careful, which we know he is.

Life is about calculated risks anyway, isn't it. It happens everytime you speed or run a yellow light when you drive. Worse yet, in those driving situations, we're are not only risking ourselves, but others as well. For the umpteenth time, I haven't any true knowledge of what he is facing, but in this situation, it is his life - his and his along, and I believe he is wise and understands the ramifications of his actions. And we have to believe he loves himself enough to have made the right choice for himself.

So..............if anyone has dozed off by now, then well, mission accomplished. If you haven't fallen asleep, either way, I have occupied your attention for a few minutes, which means I have taken a few minutes of your mind off worrying about him. Mission II accomplished.

From here, I hope everyone will be able to put away their own feelings, but rather focus on his feelings. Yes, we are all worried. Sick. But this is not about us.

He has put on a brave face to get to the finish line. As his family, let's do the same. As liezle (wise beyond her years, that young lady is) and other calm souls wrote on KOB, let's not add to his burden by making him worry about us too.

Let's not magnify and scrutinize his every move right now - yes, it is natural for someone with right shoulder pain to shift to using the left hand. We should be glad he is compensating like that rather than try to pretend nothing is wrong. Would we feel better if he used his right hand instead?

When people are scared and worried, it is natural for some to point the finger at someone. These are people he has to face everyday. Let's not add to his grief by making him have to feel sorry and apologize for his fans. Let's cast away all negative energy and band together in solidarity.

In short, let's put our BYJ first. Let's trust him - he knows himself better than any of us. Let's have faith in him.

As his family, let's be a shining example of inspiration and support, as he has always been for us. Here is a chance for us to show him what we're made off.

YJssi, Hang in there!!
We are going to go the distance with you, each and every step of the way!

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**P.S. clarfication: the above medical opinions are purely based on a personal conversation with medical personnel to enhance my own understanding and are not meant to signify anything about his current health status .

***P.P.S : (If anyone has not read all the other English posts on KOB lately, know that many including bb, tiffany, yokee has written some really messages really worth reading. At moments like this, he must be so proud to have such sensible fans in his camp.)