The Perfect Perfectionist

A lot of things have made me overly introspective lately - haven't wanted to blog about them really, so I have been retreating a bit. Phew, consider yourselves lucky.

But the Quilt post by tomato re: AS Event at Osaka happened to be right up this alley, so I can't help but comment my 2 cents worth.

Like most of you, the insight provided by Mr Sohn's descriptions of our BYJ were too precious indeed. Have we always known that he was a fairly rigid perfectionist? Of course, and we love him for it. Still, I was quite intrigued by the comments - reading them made me feel like I was reading about myself. Yes, I, am one of those overly competitive spirits by nature as well. Everyone who is this way gets there or develops this attitude by different paths, so I am not jumping on the bandwagon just to say I identify with him or that I understand him. And I'm neither saying whether it's good nor bad.

Sure, the ideologues tend to emphasize the importance of love, sharing and equality and reject the notion of competition. But in reality, the truth is that almost everyone wants to be a winner of sorts - to be at the top and to challenge oneself to continually to get there. Nothing wrong with aiming high and sounds, in fact, pretty darn good on paper, at least.

There is a fine line, I guess, between being the best at everything vs. being at the best of one's ability. Of course, this is the basic difference between competing with others vs. competing with oneself. I don't much like being in the spotlight and don't quite need the glory of winning everytime. Not to mention the canisters of trouble stirred up by jealous onlookers. Simply, I need to know that I've given my all. Period. And if by giving my very best, I am rewarded with a few medals, then I'll gratefully accept.

Can only speak for myself, but having been raised in a "good is never good enough" environment, I know part of my problem probably stemmed directly from this upbringing. People tell me all the time and try to reason with me that this competitive nature is wholly responsible for the tedious, tension-filled life that I own. Simply demand too much of myself, and I'd venture to guess, of others around me as well.

But see, as rocky as it sometimes get, I truly subscribe to the theory that the world runs on 'competition' and that there would not be forward progression and no goals to aspire to without this spirit. Better yet, I don't like to call it competition, but rather "passion." Be it a goal, a job, a hobby, or a simple interest - it is passion that drives people to such great lengths to accomplish things and accomplish things well. It is because of this passion that I don't accept less than "the best". It is this passion that gives me drive to push on everyday. And it is because I have lived this way that I feel I have been true to myself, regardless of what I have had to give up or sacrifice along the way.
Hee - I get so "passionate" too when writing about this, don't I? (Yeah, particularly today - you'd understand if you read the Los Angeles Times headlines today re: mass walkout on the job. Suffice it to say that we had a very hard day at work).

Me..sounding like the difficult, old inflexible lady again, right?
Does this stance make one feel lonely sometimes? I guess.
Does one feel a little alienated sometimes? Probably.
Does it feel like fighting a one-person crusade sometimes? Absolutely.

Anyway, so although after reading Mr. Sohn's passage, some kind and sensitive souls will come away with a little heartache for our BYJ over the fact that he puts so much pressure on himself. But, I honestly really cannot see him being any other way. This is what makes him the BYJ that we know - the one with impeccable standards, the one who rises above the others, the one who puts his best face forward each and everytime, the one who raises the bar that extra notch. This is why I admire him so. As much as I'd like to see him relax a bit (and who says he doesn't in private anyway??), this competitive drive is the essence of BYJ - he won't be happy nor be himself if that were taken away. So I won't worry over this, or act the part of the overly concerned motherly role.

I know I haven't gotten it all figured out, but alas, we're talking about BYJ who is infinitely more grounded and smarter than me. For starters, he's way better balanced for sure. He's got a good head on his shoulders and obviously, from what we've seen about his business dealings, has been treading forward on a purposeful plan.

Just ask his business associates......doesn't he take care of them all famously? Betcha they don't think he is as picky to deal with as I am...

Haha - this isn't related, but I found a way to sneak it in, didn't I? Gotta soften up the mood a bit in here and cheer you up a bit after drowning you with my rhetoric?

Here, a lucky business associate of BYJ (taken exactly one month ago today, I think), showing off his special souvenir with the most perfect perfectionist I know.