Tears of Joy

Ah…finally. Cousin is blissfully married, out-of-towners slowly trickling out of town, all commotion finally calming down to a nice peaceful end. Some semblance of normalcy at last.

Wedding? Eternally a heartwarming event. No matter what, these occasions always manage to suppress the pragmatic realist deep inside and inspire me to dream the fairytale with the bride & groom. Always so uplifting to see 2 people in love, vowing to walk the rest of the way together hand-in-hand, through thick and thin. At least, I admire their sheer courage to make this vow which of course is no small feat and promise.

And what is it about weddings that reduce adult mature beings to weeping fools? So ironic for this is not a memorial, but a happy joyous wedding occasion, right? Tears of joy are the utmost contradiction, but hey, I can’t explain it. Worse is when you mentally say to yourself, “don’t do it, don’t cry.” I think that’s the body’s command for your tear ducts to go on turbocharge, because the more I mentally told myself not to, the higher the water production went up, causing the worse stains on my outfit you’ve ever seen!

Anyway, so what did the trick to shout off the spouts finally? So funny, you already know the answer. When all else failed, I decided to distract myself with happy thoughts. Once my concentration on the magnificent ceremony was lost, the brain immediately opened the gates to thoughts of him. Ah...even here, I cannot escape the repercussions of my fangirl status (haha). Flashbacks of the Hotelier & WLS church scenes, wedding pictures from AS, his staged wedding scene at A. Kim’s fashion show, etc. kept rushing in. I find myself wondering what his big day will be like – whether it’ll be traditional or modern, how gorgeous and blissful he’ll look, how truly grateful all of us will be when he finally finds "the one," whether there’ll be a full-blown Catholic mass or not, etc. etc……..(and whether he’ll keep his promise made at 910 to invite and let his fans share in the joyous occasion?? (….NOT!! Haha)

One of my best buddies who happens to be Korean later shared with me a great many interesting traditions about Korean weddings. Pretty nifty – if you're interested, I found most of the information well summarized in the following excerpt:

KOREAN WEDDING TRADITIONS
(article by Shu Shu Costa from the feature entitled: "Rituals of Bliss"; text & images courtesy of aOnline)

Like the Chinese, Koreans also exchanged the "eight characters" or "four pillars" to determine if the match was suitable. When that process was over, a local fortune-teller was summoned to see if the couple could live harmoniously. Koreans call this kung-hap. This custom is still important among many older Korean Americans. As the old saying goes, straw sandals are useful only if they fit your feet.

The Engagement
Gifts are an important part of an engagement. Traditionally, gifts from the groom's side would be delivered on the eve of the wedding day. With faces blackened with dried squid's ink and in costume, friends of the groom would parade a box, or hahm, filled with gifts. As they approached the bride's house, they would chant, "Hahm for sale, buy a hahm." Her family would rush out to greet the gift-bearers, enticing them with money and food. These days, the families are likely to meet in a restaurant, but gifts--and lots of them--are a must. Some Korean American families can spend $30,000 to $40,000 on engagement gifts alone. (m: sadly there has been so much press about the extravagance of the dowries demanded by many groom’s families, making it nearly impossible for many families to “afford” these traditional wedding practices anymore and often causing great disharmony between the 2 sides of the family. Some traditions, I think, are meant to be broken.)

The Wedding Outfits
The two dresses worn by the bride were once the costume of the noble class. The simple lime-green wonsam and the more elaborate hwarrot, or "flower robe," are embroidered with flowers and butterflies. Underneath, she wears the hanbok, the doll-like traditional dress of Korea. On the bride's head is a black cap studded with gems. On her feet are white socks and embroidered shoes. Her makeup is simple, except for three red circles, yonji konji, the size of nickels. These circles, traditionally made of red peppers, but now often drawn on, are supposed to ward off evil spirits. The groom's faruotsu is also the dress of the nobility. It is made of dark green damask with auspicious symbols woven in gold. The headdress is the tall black cap of high-ranking officials made of silk. Traditional costumes can be rented in Korean dress shops or even some banquet halls starting around $150.

The Ceremony
Traditionally, the groom would give a live goose--a symbol of fidelity because it takes only one partner in its life--to his new mother-in-law as a sign of his faithfulness to her daughter. Today's Korean families substitute the live goose with a wooden one called a kirogi. The ceremony takes place around a table, or teresan, in an area set off by a screen with images of peonies. The highlight of the ceremony is the sharing of a special white wine called jung jong. Traditionally, this wine was poured into cups made from two halves of a gourd grown by the bride's mother. The bride and groom sip from their separate cups and then the wine is mixed together, poured once more into the gourd cups and sipped again. This is kunbere, the wedding vow. One ritual often seen at Korean American weddings is the peh beck ceremony. At this ceremony, usually only attended by family and close friends, the new wife offers her new in-laws gifts of dried dates and jujubes, symbols of children. They in turn offer her tea, a subtle but significant gift. At the ceremony's conclusion, they toss the dates and chestnuts at the bride, and she tries to catch them in her large skirt. (m: apparently, if she catches dates, it symbolizes that she will bear a male child (? as her first), and jujubes indicate a female child. )

The Food
The Korean wedding banquet is called kook soo sang, the "noodle banquet," and can include a variety of dishes to suit the season. It begins with a toast of jung jong, a sort of Korean sake, downed quickly like a shot. The highlight is the meal's namesake, a noodle soup called kook soo. Wheat noodles are boiled and added to a clear beef broth, garnished with vegetables and eggs. Here, as in China, noodles are a wish for a long and happy life. Wedding desserts often include dok, a sticky rice cake that comes in a number of forms--sweetened, filled with bean paste, dotted with sesame seeds. Another popular dessert is yak shik, a sticky rice ball sweetened with brown sugar and speckled with chestnuts, jujubes, raisins and pine nuts, symbols of children.

Well, I thought it was interesting anyway. So, what was I talking about before I digressed? Ah yes, the wedding! Well, by the time I came to, it was just in time to hear the beautiful bride exchange her personal vows, saying this: (quoted from some unknown source)

“I dreamed of a wedding of elaborate elegance,
A church filled with family and friends.
I asked him what kind of a wedding he wished for,
He said one that would make me his wife.”

Oh crap!
I couldn’t help but start weeping all over again!