Symbiosis

By the way, a heartfelt thanks goes out to all of you for the care, concern, emails and phone calls. I am well now and my eyes have popped back into their sockets where they belong. Really. Thanks again.

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Remember my post on Quilt re: The Korean Music Festival in L.A.? For the benefit of the performers visiting SoCal for the first time, amazing cooperation from the weather fairies accompanied this event that came and passed on a most perfect and beautiful California evening recently. Ahh...but the fun, fun, fun will be remembered for some time to come.

As it relates to family......no, for various schedule conflicts, this didn't turn out the way it was planned. I attended with friends instead - and thank goodness, heehee, for in case bopping should become necessary, at least only friends would bear witness to some stiff corpse-like action :)

Before we get there, there's something I gotta do first. Coz I got my hands on a copy of GQ finally.

Incidentally, everyone OD'ed on the GQ article yet? Snowball effect in the worse form, I think. If not yet OD'ed, you'll soon be, after this post :) Sorry.
Anyway, please permit this person to air out her thoughts too, okay?

So, the concert.....as it relates to BYJ.... this is what I got to thinking after hearing, seeing, and reading about the pre- and post-concert festivities.

Even out here in faraway US of A, most of the Korean stars who rolled into town for the concert were mobbed, gawked at, followed, pushed, intruded upon often and everywhere they went. The waiting lines, crowds and scene at the artists' main exits after the concert bore striking resemblence to what I witnessed at Beijing. And the internet relay of the artists' every move were broadcasted over all just like the QNN reports. Many of the performers who aren't quite "super duper stars" YET, did not enjoy many perks, and traveled modestly, filing into a long coach bus afterwards. This introduction to fandom and education of what was to come starts early, and I would imagine that many of these youngsters, many of whom may not have reached the level of recognition of BYJ, are not deterred for one moment.

As twisted as it sounds, the amount of compromise of a celebrity's privacy, as much of a nuisance, limitation, inconvenience, PIA, etc. it is, is unfortunately the yardstick by which this business measures one's worth. One needs to be mindful of the difference between BYJ, the persona/public image for which this is most absolutely necessary, and the real inner BYJ-self, a complete mystery that I'm afraid not one of us really knows. Diabolically opposing needs and wants for the two at most times, but such is the reality of life. If there existed a perfect occupation, I'd wish for him to have it. And please also show me the line to apply.

Of course, I am not negating what he feels, and what a two-edged sword the situation must present for him. And of course, the familys' hearts collectively bled for him. That's because the family loves him, cares deeply for him, wants nothing but the best of everything for him. But perhaps it is not necessary to read so much into a few lines or worse yet, find fault with ourselves, and even jump to such lateral positions of "not becoming a fan" anymore, holding back visits to his country, etc. That would probably defeat the purpose of what he's worked for all along. Trips to Korea, in additional to overt support for BYJ, has economic and cross-cultura, educational, visibility benefits for the good people of his country. He does not need to lose his core support of his sensible loving family, especially at a time when he's entering the most publicized and most enormously budgeted drama of his life. Perhaps an argument can be made that few choice overzealous, over-aggressive, boundary crossing fans ought to give up their ways, but then you and I both know that if they are ones that truly care and can be influenced, they would not be doing what they do in the first place.

Sometimes, I ask myself - what have the fans done that is so wrong? I've said this before - one of Vivarijuni's simple passing comments on a previous post, as simple as it was, was a great guilt-busting revelation for me. In reference to the late announcement of the GKFG KOSA, she described her concerns: "what if he stepped out of the airport to a quiet, empty hall?" "How would that make him feel?"
That simply wouldn't do. That's why she chose to buy a ticket to Jeju. For an actor/actress who have come to thrive on that extra burst of energy they derive from their fans, their egos and sense of self-worth become intimately intertwined with their overt popularity (no matter how grounded a person is). The crowds at the airport, the buzz that that is generated, the extent of media coverage, etc. are necessary period. And of course he knows that. Before he was catapulted to the heights of his current status by the success of WLS, in fact, I remember how he/BOF were concerned enough to take active action to round up as much support and crowds as they could to support him at official outings. Yes, they asked the fans to appear, albeit covertly.

Can you imagine how devastating it would feel to suddenly be "yesterdays news," to drop from the headliners to the being buried in the back pages, to have media pay absolutely no attention to you? Ahh...the painful realities of this very harsh, big, big world. There will surely be a time when he is ready to walk away from it. But until then, like it or not, fans and yes, the accompanying frenzy, are necessary to the BYJ persona and will remain. That does not mean he cannot "vent" his frustruation over the chaos from time to time, especially when things get a little out of hand.

How about looking at it this way?

For us simple people, it's hard to imagine a life under the microscope. To be devoid of some of the most basic rights that we have come to take for granted. But that perspective also makes him appreciate life's little pleasures more. Also grants him rewards that most of us cannot imagine either. Not just monetary, but accessibility, opportunities and open doors that none of us will ever see. He said himself he has many more things to accomplish and he has often come out to state his grand goals. Without his clout, sorry to say, but one person can only do so much. Isn't it great that he has, in this process, gained abilities to fulfill some of the noble goals that many of us will only leave in the depths of our imagination. Case in point - can you imagine being instrumental in helping someone regain their precious eyesight? Now, that's something meaningful that everyday I wish I could do. No, so don't use the words "I feel sorry for him." Just be happy that these extraordinary abilities and powers are being bestowed upon someone who will use them sensibly and to the world's greater good.

Also, I thought about how, for many, life is a continuous parade of missed opportunites. How about also seeing BYJ as being totally different, as the smart and courageous man who took advantage of opportunities before him, thereby controlling his own destiny?
Sure, he regrets having to delay his directing education in New York.
So, what if he's not in the position he is today? Turned left instead of right?
What do you suppose he might be saying if he were selling sandwiches in New York and studying to become a director? All the while, sitting on the sidelines while the Hallyu wave gained momentum and passed him by...would he then sit there and wonder, " what if?" and proceed to live life wondering about his "should haves" and "could haves"? Would this ambitious one with noble and grand goals then live to regret? Trust me, there will exist a weak moment that he will - take for instance my dad who has been complaining for 10+ straight years that he should have bought that lot in Las Vegas when it was offerred to him dirt cheap - you know, the one where Bellagio now sits! Clunk!!!

Yes, a simple life is happier. That's only if you stay simple. For someone with tall aspirations, you dream often of a simple life, but deep down you know that will not satisfy you.

Such is the dilemma of being human. And he is that. Sorry, but you don't get to preview the last episode of the drama before you plop your money down for the DVD set. And you don't know how your life will be affected when you make a crucial decision. So make your decisions wisely, and when things get hard along the way, remember back to the day when you were at the roadfork and remember often why you made that decision.

What about looking at BYJ as a emotionally grounded person who knows his limits?
For the private, self-reliant and sometimes stubborn person that he's been portrayed to be, this is something that's worried me from time to time. Had been afraid that he would have too much of a tendency to bottle things up and keep it all to himself. Shoulder the burden on his own shoulders. The fact that he recognizes a problem and knows when to seek a helping hand and even accepting help actually made me rest quite easy. Yes, this is someone will do just fine.

What about appreciating BYJ's candor which is really a reflection of his trust of his fans? Also an indication now a newfound security - he no longer feels the need to hide things for fear of upsetting or losing a few fans. I'm happy he's reached such a comfort level - I can imagine that insecurities must run quite high in a fickle field like this.

Afterall this is Asia , conservative Korea even, where mention of things of this nature such as seeking psychiatric assistance or even counseling is still considered a bit taboo. He would most definitely not be talking about these issues so freely if there were any unresolved conditions or if there were any residual flicker of concern or if he felt any "shame" over this. Especially in an official interview where we know he still harbors some distrust, his guard would have surely been up. I have a hard time believing that the information leaked frin a moment of temporarily guard let down. More likely, it was a really, really small deal - that's why he was able to talk about it freely - because he thought nothing too serious of it. Only to be blown out of position in a cascade of over-reaction. Now I don't know about you younger ones, but haven't we all been worried sick about something at some point in our lives ... some lose their appetite (although NOT I) or their hair, some externalize their stress and lash out, some become paralyzed with inaction, and some toss and turn in bed and develop insomnia.
That's N-O-R-M-A-L.

What, also, about seeing him for his adaptability and resiliency?
I think he's got it right when he said that his personality was not necessarily made for acting. How many people end up in a profession that was their "calling" anyway? With more of an introverted and self-critical personality, he most certainly does not have the entertainer's personality to match. He simply isn't the the animated showman, the unihibited egotist with the "feast your eyes on me" attitude that makes many celebrities the natural performer. This humility probable is what sets him apart and also just one of the many reasons for his success. Ah, but the young YJ would butt heads often and battle this this fist to fist, as you've seen him become alienated in the early years. Continue like this and that's how you become increasingly frustrated and grumpy. The new, mature and wiser, YJ? He's learnt to come around, identify his misgivings and OMG - stubborn mid-lifers out there, here this? - managed to try to modify himself to adapt to this situation. So it's not always true that you get more stubborn as you age. A certain degree of flexibility, without compromising the core principles - that's a winning characteristic in my book, if there ever was one. Gotta admire this.

So, I hope no one feels the need to feel apologetic as a fan anymore. There are probably times when he isn't so sure, but deep inside, I think he knows that he really needs us as much as we need him. In simple terms, it's a symbiotic relationship.

You can translate that interview a million times, read whatever version in whatever language you want, analyze it up and down, and the truth is, no one knows what his mindframe was, what his intonation was, what his mood was, what the syntax was...all except the reporter. So, let's not append our own suppositions and worry ourselves sick, alright?

YJ-ssi, how are you these days? Would a good bearhug help?


As always, I welcome your thoughts....

But for now, let's clear the air a bit, shall we? Bring on with the concert!